When I was a kid I made a list of all the qualities I was looking for in a mate. I didn’t get much further than tall, dark hair, light eyes. When I got older, I added other words to the list. Leader. Communicator. Compassionate. Encouraging. I kept building it out, describing my perfect man. Wants children. Virgin. Likes to cook. Doesn’t smoke. Doesn’t swear. Comes from a Christian family. Good hygiene. Pays his bills on time. Has a heart for ministry.
None of those qualities are bad, of course, but over time I started to understand that by holding every man to my impossibly high standard, I was putting God into a box. I was turning my back on all the ways He could surprise me saying, “This way, God, and no other.”
Life never turns out the way we expect. Back in school my best friends and I predicted that I would get married first, followed by so-and-so, and then the next person. Well, now one of us is married, one is a single mom, and I remain single. God wants to give us desires of our hearts, but the fulfillment of those desires doesn’t always happen at the precise time or in the exact way we expected.
A list has its good points. It will help you define what you want and what you need to avoid. It will help you stay focused and keep you from being distracted or maybe compromising on someone who won’t lead you closer to God. But don’t be so tied to your own plans and sense of timing that you forget to trust in God’s.
Prayer: I need to trust in you to provide and not place unrealistic expectations on those around me. Give me an extra measure of discernment today, I pray. Amen.
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